How Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Helps Men Embrace Their Emotional Side
How different would your relationship be if expressing thoughts and feelings around difficult subjects was normalized?
Description: A couple sitting on a white couch smiling and looking at each other. Cis male is wearing a red button up shirt with navy blue jeans. Cis woman is wearing a white top with black bottoms. Sitting in front of them is a cis woman, who is the couple’s therapist, wearing a blue shirt holding a clipboard and pen.
For many men, there's a deep stigma when it comes to expressing feelings. Most have received overt and subtle messaging that expressing thoughts and feelings makes them "weak." It can be so difficult to shut off the voice saying that you are "less of a man" if you react with anything other than stone-cold stoicism.
Some men actually allow their repressed feelings to come out as anger or rage because they have been shown that these are approved "manly" ways of showing emotion. I don't need to tell you how devastating, frustrating, and isolating this can be for men and their partners. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples can be a great tool. Come learn about it!
How Emotionally Focused Therapy Works
EFT utilizes emotions as the powerful change agents they can be when understood properly. During EFT for couples, you're able to expand your emotional experience based on an understanding of your core attachment needs. The way we relate to romantic partners is deeply embedded in our childhood attachment with our primary caregiver. For most men, that is a mother. By organizing and exploring patterns in that primary attachment relationship, we are able to grow in understanding of the ways that we feel, act, and handle emotions with our partners.
During the therapy process, couples learn to shift cycles of negative interactions toward positive, production interactions. Many couples find that the EFT process allows them to create a more secure bond. They also feel more satisfied in their relationships after breaking the vicious cycle of fighting by learning to communicate their deepest wounds. Of course, this is always a collaborative and respectful process that is never about "forcing" a partner to behave a certain way in a relationship.
At its core, EFT promotes both individual and relational healing by addressing negative patterns through uprooting and examining the underlying emotions and unmet needs driving these patterns.
Related: When To Seek Sex Therapy: Signs A Sex Therapist Might Help
The Results of EFT
Emotionally focused therapy can be important for creating a responsive, safe relationship. When this technique is adapted for couples, men are given tools to learn how to feel safe while expressing vulnerabilities and softer emotions to their partners. They are able to connect with their vulnerable, wanting side that may have been buried by a sense of self-preservation that drove them to avoid displaying emotions. Many men find that they are able to move from a one-dimensional persona into a place where they feel comfortable experiencing and expressing a wide range of emotions in their intimate relationships.
How effective is EFT for couples in distress? Studies find that up to 75 percent of couples move from distress to recovery after engaging in this form of therapy. Of those who find success, up to 90 percent experience significant improvements in their relationships.
California-based Liberate Via Therapy offers emotionally responsive therapy for couples. This approach could help to play an important role in increasing closeness in your relationship. Contact us today!
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