Beyond Physical Intimacy : How Sensate Focus Enhances Connection and Reduces Sexual Anxiety
The image shows a couple lying naked on a bed, closely embracing each other in an intimate and tender moment. The scene is softly lit by natural light coming from a nearby window, creating a serene and private atmosphere. The couple's bodies are intertwined, highlighting their closeness and connection. The room has a calm and peaceful ambiance, with minimal furnishings visible in the background.
Are you utilizing the power of touch in your sex life? While it seems obvious that touch is a part of intimacy, many people don't actually take the time to meditate on the power of sensations when exploring their sexuality. If your sex life is struggling due to anxiety or disconnection, there's an exciting school of thought on intimacy that you should know about. It’s called sensate focus. Sensate focus allows you to shed your preconceived notions about what sex "should" look and feel like as you embrace a shared sensory experience with your partner. For many people, this technique offers a way to move from staying in your head to fully inhabiting your mind and body during sex. Let's talk about it!
What Is Sensate Focus?
Sensate focus is a sex therapy technique that was developed by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s. While improving your sex life is the goal of sensate focus, this Masters and Johnson therapy technique involves lots of sensual non-genital touch. The key to why it works is that sensate focus highlights sensuality and sensory perceptions instead of keeping you in the goal-oriented mindset that often takes over during sex. At its core, sensate focus is a meditation practice. It is commonly used to treat clients who are struggling with:
● Arousal issues.
● Overcoming sexual anxiety.
● Performance anxiety.
● Sexual pain or discomfort.
● Dwelling on negative body image.
● Erectile dysfunction (ED).
● Orgasm issues.
● Problematic sex roles in a relationship.
Of course, a couple doesn't need to be experiencing sexual struggles or conflict in order to benefit from sensate focus. Couples seeking sex therapy can implement the practices of sensate focus to establish mutual responsibility for prioritizing each other's sexual needs and concerns. Both struggling and non-struggling couples often find that sensate focus helps them to enjoy greater intimacy and communication. It can also help to foster a new appreciation for sex after letting go of preconceived expectations and ideals.
How Do You Practice Sensate Focus?
Masters and Johnson developed sensate focus as a five-step technique that brings couples on a sensory journey. When you work with a sex therapist, you can create a customized plan that both partners feel comfortable with before beginning your "homework." A standard sensate focus model will include these steps:
Touching: A sensate focus journey begins with non-genital touching. During this first session, a couple will designate who will be the "toucher" and who will be touched. The roles will be switched halfway through the session. The only rule here is that you can touch any non-genital part of the body. It's very important to respect this rule because this first step's purpose is to establish the power of sensuality. In fact, partners should reject the urge to turn this encounter into a sexual one because this could undo the work of trying to avoid falling into familiar patterns. Another "rule" is that the person on the receiving end of touch should not offer guidance unless something feels painful or uncomfortable.
Genital Touching: In this step, the focus continues to be on sensuality. However, the genital regions are no longer ignored. Genital touch should be worked in naturally in a way that distributes attention equally between genital and non-genital areas. While arousal is common during this step, couples are still advised to continue to avoid moving into a sexual encounter.
Use of Lotions or Lubricants: In order to enhance sensory awareness, couples can introduce the use of warm lotion or baby oil.
Mutual Touching: During this step, the couple switches from taking turns to participating in mutual touching. The basic principles of step #1 and step #2 apply.
Sensual Intercourse: While there is no pressure to complete this step, the final step is to participate in what Masters and Johnson called sensual intercourse that continues the same sensory-focused, mindful techniques that were used in earlier steps.
This outline only provides a very basic overview of the steps of sensate focus. There are many nuances to discuss when creating an agreement between partners for initiating sensate focus techniques. For this reason, it can be important to work with a knowledgeable sex therapist capable of providing guidance and support.
A therapist can also help a couple to introduce sensate focus exercise into their intimate relationship as a low-pressure way to implement the principles of the sensate focus technique. In addition to being relaxing, sensate focus can offer a great way for couples to connect and bond while becoming attuned to each other's needs.
What Are the Sensate Focus Benefits?
Sensate focus offers an incredible way to introduce meditative practices into your sexual relationship. While the end goal of sensate focus is to help you and your partner experience greater sexual comfort and satisfaction, the best way to implement sensate focus principles is to not focus on your partner. As a nonverbal connection method, sensate focus allows each partner to focus on their own sensory experience.
In fact, one of the core principles of sensate focus is to focus on yourself instead of constantly trying to get into your partner's head to know what they are thinking or feeling. You also shouldn't be chasing pleasure. While sensate focus can be a very pleasurable experience, you are focusing on how sensations feel instead of obsessing about them feeling pleasurable.
Simply allow yourself to feel what you feel without commentary, expectations, or anticipation. Of course, anyone who has ever practiced meditation and mindfulness before knows that distractions will come. Don't be discouraged when your mind wanders. Simply refocus as soon as you notice that it has happened.
Should You Try Sensate Focus?
If you're looking for intimacy-building exercises you can do to strengthen your relationship, sensate focus could be a great way to begin exploring sensuality. Here at Liberate via Therapy, I provide my clients with various sex therapy exercises that are built around the principles of sensate focus. Rest assured that I'll work with you to create a therapeutic plan based around your needs and comfort level.
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in addressing matters related to sex, sexuality, and sexual dysfunctions using emotionally focused therapy (EFT). Book a free consultation with my sex therapy practice in Tracy, California. I also offer sex and couples therapy online to clients in Florida.
Sources:
https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/what-is-sensate-focus-and-how-does-it-work
https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf?source=post_page
